My personal love story with the dark masculine..

Like many, I grew up with complex “daddy issues”. The masculine presence in my life was confusing and not always healthy. My father was inconsistently around, though, only “conditionally”. If I made decisions that he didn’t agree with, I was shunned. This ingrained the belief that if I ever “chose wrong”, the masculine would not stand by my side. Thus, I inherited the belief that masculine love was conditional, and I somehow was not worthy of it.

I simultaneously resented men and yearned for their attention. I let myself become an indifferent woman when it came to romance, accepting all the scraps of “love” I could get. I was attracting men with very unintegrated masculine qualities. I myself, was walking through life with quite a dominant, unhealthy masculine essence. This imbalance was effecting every area of my life- my mental health was suffering, I was often confused and directionless, and of course- the relationships I was engaging with were unfulfilling.

When I began consciously working with embodiment 8 years ago, I was focused on escaping this unhealthy masculine persona I had created for myself, and entering into a more feminine essence. I was so focused on healing and embodying my feminine energy that I completely dropped any relation with my inner masculine. Don’t get me wrong, finally integrating and welcoming my feminine self felt sooo yummy. I needed that space to discover all the wildly sensuous, intuitive, and creative parts of her. And.. there came a time where I could feel the imbalance in my body once more. I needed a stronger inner masculine essence, and not the kind I had previously entertained, no- the kind of masculine essence that passionately moves me with a deeper sense of purpose and encourages me to stand strong in my conviction and boundaries. I needed Him.

I stopped looking at masculinity as something I could only delight in from my lovers, and started romancing the idea that my inner man is always within me. He rules the parts of me that create structures to hold the vastness of my feminine creativity, he creates safety within me to fearlessly go after what I desire. He is dark in his charm and deep in his intelligence. Although my inner masculine is a foundational part of me, because I’ve created a dynamic of sensually relating to him as if he were a lover- I get to hold on to the juicy feminine essence that feels most natural to me. Ironically, the deeper I’ve been able to understand my inner masculine, the easier it is for me to relax into my feminine. This is the balance- the flavour of inner polarity that brings deeep and playful integration, thus, leading you into a life of more ease and arousal.

“Himself is incredibly potent. For just being 4 weeks, this course is dripping with transformational codes and energy. My goal in joining was to meet my inner-masculine. By end, I hadn’t just met him, but formed a relationship with him. I learned how he leads, what he desired from me, what I desired in him, his energy and strengths. Aubrey is an incredible guide. She leads the space with her intuition and body. From call 1, I felt so safe to show up exactly in what I was feeling and share my presence and truth. The group was so open and tapped in, I loved our time together. Thank you, Aubrey, for this course. From the aesthetics on the portal, to your playlists, to the calls themselves, everything was truly powerful.”

- Kate Coffey

“My experience with Aubrey Rose was incredibly expansive, I came in knowing I was needing to cultivate a healthy masculine from within myself. Her course opened the door to what was already within me, I just didn’t know it. I learned more than I ever expected. This course deepened my understanding of myself, allowing me to meet parts of me, that were waiting to be seen. It allowed me to see that what I had been wanting in my life was always, already within me. Her presence and guidance allows the space to see yourself in a more intimate way. A way to love myself more. I felt myself grow in love with myself even more. Feeling empowered to create with a more focus driven purpose. So many break throughs and feeling like the puzzle pieces were finally revealing the picture that I have for so long been working on.”

- Sam Villasenor

“First off.. I love working with Aubrey. Secondly, Himself came at a perfect time for me. This container gave me the support and subtle energetic practices to ANCHOR in my inner Dark Masculine. After the second practice, I was already feeling Him so palpably... and by the end of the container, I was feeling UNAFRAID of my own intensity & desire, for the first time in my life. I feel myself as I feel Him, steady, penetrative, seductive, and unabashed in my intensity. This work had me feeling so turned on and alive. Aaaaand the container of women who joined was so deep, so transparent, and really supportive for the journey.”

- Kat Mattson

“What I love about working with Aubrey is that all of her work is infused with so much beauty and mystery. As an artist this feels so nourishing to my soul and it allows me to open up to receive more. More inspiration, more creativity, more depth, truth and understanding of what I want to bring into the world through dance, art and ritual. Being in Aubrey´s courses and projects has definitely ignited new fires within me and I have been actively creating art. And I would love to mention that I never felt any pressure to create, or to deliver. This art was just flowing out of me.The way Aubrey holds space makes me feel really safe and supported. With the structures that she creates it has been easy for me the flow in my feminine energy while upholding the structure of the masculine by providing clear excercises and assignments. She is great in sensing what questions to ask to help me move forward without avoiding any darker or taboo topics. Her questions always open me up gently, sparking a curiosity to explore deeper. In my experience there are many women who have been told to be ¨more feminine¨ at some point in their lives, myself included. So for years I have had my main focus on dance & feminine embodiment practices that I had forgotten to nurture my masculine side. I have created so much dance performances and classes without really promoting them, to a point where I was doing so many different things without making any money really. In Himself I discovered that I needed to bring that fierce warrior within me back to life. I am now in the process of launching my first online course and I even started taking Kickboxing classes.”

- Dayenne Dijkland

“Himself, really helped me hone and tune into a side of myself that I knew needed healing. Aubrey was an amazing facilitator for us all, not only did I feel supported, I felt my process was valued and that I was seen throughout it. From week one, I had a lot of hesitation, but as soon as I realized I had a group going through it with me… and Aubrey as a guide, I felt courage and the energy to do this for myself. I have grown so much, in the past 4 weeks. I have let myself become soft in places in my life where I needed to soften, and channeling strength in the spots where I needed it most. My inner dark masculine, I had no idea, was so in touch with who I was and without connecting to this part of myself I would not have seen how much value, love, and trust I can receive and give. Thank you fellow sisters for the inspiration. Thank you Aubrey, for your potent knowledge and for bringing so much into my awareness, by planting the proper seeds to have me open up myself.”

- Megan Isabelle

“Himself is truly a container that allowed me to alchemize. It gifted me peace in realizing that He already lives within me and there’s no need to look elsewhere, but within. Aubrey has conjured up a safe and magical space, a true portal that sets free all the false notions I’ve created for myself and has allowed expansion with no need to look back. It is such a powerful tool that allows oneself to find pleasure in practicalities. Himself is simply the best investment I could have gifted my feminine. Highly recommend.”

- Kinti Anta